Wednesday, 27 May 2015

How (Not) to Make Friends at a Concert

Concerts are a great way to meet and interact with new people; everyone in the venue is united by a common, shared love of music. However, finding ways to break the ice with fellow concert-goers can be difficult, so here are some tips on how (not) to make friends at a concert.

1. Bring a Selfie Stick
Nothing says “I’m a great person to be friends with!” quite like a robotic extended limb with a phone attached to the other end. Bringing a selfie stick to a concert shows that you are social, fun, and most of all, smart; how else could you possibly take a photo of yourself? So, have no shame when you take out your robot limb and start snapping some photos! The people around you won’t mind, even if you accidentally hit them in the back of the head with it or block their view of the stage with it. Chances are, once they see how cool your selfie stick is, they’ll want to take a selfie with you.

2. Crowdsurf With a Beer in Your Hand
Crowdsurfing is only cool if you do it with a drink in your hand, so one way to impress people and make friends at a concert is to crowdsurf while holding a beer. The people around you will really appreciate being showered by an ice-cold Heineken as you are hoisted up into the air with your limbs flailing wildly. But, you can’t be afraid of committing to this highly-skilled act; you have to make sure that you dump that cold one on everyone as you pass by. Spill it on their clothes and in their hair; they will absolutely love being baptized by alcohol. People will certainly be impressed by your “mad skills” and will immediately want to be friends with you.

3. Put on your Best Bitch Face
Being excited at a concert isn’t cool. The best way to turn people off of you is to look too eager and enthusiastic at a show. Maintain the perfect “whatever, I don’t care” hipster image by putting on your best pout. Perfect the look by adding an occasional annoyed eye roll. Also, don’t dance or sing; don’t move at all. The trick to perfecting this tip is to look like you are getting no enjoyment out of the concert whatsoever. You could even put your headphones in for the duration of the show if you feel as if you have mastered your edgy look. Nothing says “I’m totally approachable and fun!” like an indifferent bitch face.

4. Don’t Tie Back Your Hair
Who doesn’t love a good ol’ mouthful of a stranger’s hair? Don’t bother putting your hair up at a concert; by leaving your long, sweaty hair down, people will think that you have a relaxed, chill attitude. People will appreciate you so much, they won’t even care that your hair is in their face whenever you head-bang.

5. Push Your Way Up to the Front
If you have just showed up to the venue ten minutes before the doors open and you have found yourself at the very back of the line, have no fear! Once you are inside, just push your way up to the front row! The fans who have been waiting outside for eight hours won’t mind at all as you elbow them out of the way to get a better spot; in fact, they will be quite impressed with how persistent and risky you are!

6. Make Out With Your Partner
Show how much fun and open you are by aggressively making out with your significant other in front of everyone. Who wouldn’t be impressed by such a sweet, romantic action? This would be a sure-fire way to break the ice with your fellow concert attendees (Bonus points if you dry-hump your partner against the person next to you: other concert-goers will be sure to love this obvious sign of passion and affection).

Follow these six simple steps and you will surely be the most popular person at any show!

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